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Relationship.com

Regain Confidence after a Break-up

29.07.12
Author: Yvonne Rice - Online Dating And Relationship Expert

It’s tough going through a break-up, the “should of, could of, would of..” questions whirl around in your mind over and over again, to the point, where it not only consumes your thoughts but also your conversations (with just about anyone who will listen to you). We have all been there; boring the back teeth off of our Family and Friends with the same question. “Why Me?! Why was I dumped “or “Why do I keep dating the wrong type of person?!”

Regaining confidence after a break-up is actually easier than you think, once you understand a few simple things and implement a few actions.

It’s tough going through a break-up, the “should of, could of, would of..” questions whirl around in your mind over and over again, to the point, where it not only consumes your thoughts but also your conversations (with just about anyone who will listen to you). We have all been there; boring the back teeth off of our Family and Friends with the same question. “Why Me?! Why was I dumped “or “Why do I keep dating the wrong type of person?!”

Regaining confidence after a break-up is actually easier than you think, once you understand a few simple things and implement a few actions. So, let’s take a look at how we can do this, but first, there are 2 things I would like you to cement into your mind, before we go any further. Then we will look at how to make you smile more than you frown (how good id that!).

1. Understand that you are amazing because you are! There is not one single person on this planet that is like you. You may have similar physical mannerisms to your family members, even similar characteristics. However, you are the only person alive with your DNA. That fact alone makes you unique and special. Even if you don’t think so right now. You are!

2. The 2nd thing I would like you to get your head around, is that relationships finish for one reason and one reason only. It didn’t work. The reasons why it didn’t work are actually irrelevant (Stay with me here – I know that sounds harsh, however it’s true). This is actually great! Because it means that there is nothing wrong with you or the other person. You just weren’t right for each other – for the long haul.

Now, at this point you have a choice. You can beat yourself up, blame the other person, carry the pain of this relationship (and the past ones) with you into your future, to fester and affect the rest of your dating life; mentally torturing yourself and sabotaging any potential future happiness. Or, (and here is the good news) you can take the things that you have learned – what makes you happy, what you liked or didn’t like in the relationship, to help you find the person you are truly looking for.

Now, you can eat the refrigerator bare, go out and get drunk, pick-up someone for some casual company, max out your credit card shopping or a million other band aid remedies, to fill the void with short term pleasure. However, this is not a long term solution (but I’m guessing you have already figured that one out).

Here’s my recommendation because it works.

  1. Before you put your feet on the floor and get out of bed to start your day. Close your eyes and say out loud “What kind of wonderful day will come my way today!” say it with as much enthusiasm as you can gather. Do this every morning (no cheating now) and you will start to see some amazing things happen in your life.
  2. Have a pad and pen by your bed. Before you go to sleep write down what amazing things happened, even the little amazing things.
  3. Read the previous day’s list of “Amazing Things” before you clean your teeth. Why? We will get to that next.
  4. After you have read your “Amazing List” from the day before. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. Go on give, that person in the mirror the biggest smile you have ever seen and say with enthusiasm “Good Morning Gorgeous! Next!” and smile at that amazing one-of-a-kind person in the mirror. As you are smiling, think of that list of amazing things.
  5. Do this everyday for 21 days – you will be amazed at what happens to you!

As I said, it doesn’t take much to gain and grow self confidence, you just need to do a few actions and want to make it happen!

The person you attract in life depends on you. Get clear on who you are, what you want from a relationship and just as importantly, what you are prepared to give emotionally to a relationship. Life and love need to have “Fair Exchange” because without “Fair Exchange”, one person is doing most of the work. And that isn’t fair, in anyone’s language.

Let me know how you go.

Huge smiles to you,

Yvonne Rice

Yvonne Rice is a Former Dating Agency Director/ Matchmaker. Her years of experience in the Singles arena and her knowledge of the Online and Offline Dating worlds has led her to be a Globally recognized leader in the psychology of communicating on Dating Sites and Social Networking Sites. She is consulted by Law Enforcement and Governments around the world on Online Safety, and she is the Resident Expert for Relationship.com

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